Am I falling in love?

A question asks: Do you prefer being around men or women? Do your closest friends tend to be men or women?

I prefer to be with women. I have much stronger respect for them than men. I did not grow up connecting much with guys. I wasn’t into video games, which was the hot topic, or most talked about thing. As well as the sports and shows most guys I hung out with talked about. I couldn’t care about a specific basketball or baseball player, I couldn’t care about the new episode of those shows; though I will give them props for quoting characters of a show so accurately. I can’t do that no matter how hard I try, even now as I’ve watched The Office seven times through. Being around women has intrigued me more, though I didn’t care about the gossip enough; I loved listening though. Women struggles to me seem more difficult than a man’s. I’ve seen women treated as a lesser to a man than a woman treating a man as a lesser of her, from what I’ve learned and witnessed.

My closest friends up until l high school were always boys; at any given year there was up to two other boys I was best friends with. In high school I lost that kind of bond, spent a lot of time feeling out of place. It wasn’t until junior year that I grew a strong connection with, but it was with a girl this time, and in senior year she was my closest friend, though I’m not sure it was the same the other way around given she had many more friends to hang out with than I did. After high school, I’ve struggled to maintain a close friendship, though I do cherish more my friendships with women rather than men.

Another question asks: Do you establish routines in your life?

Yes; though these routines are always broken after a while. I know there definitely was a time I wasn’t being a moderate consumer and a binger of activities and whatnot, but because of the consequences of some of those things I’ve acquired a philosophy of moderation, of quality over quantity. I no longer buy the exact same cookies from the same place at the same time of day, as a petty example. When I travel downtown I always make sure I change my route between the same destinations. I’m much more open to taking new challenges, resetting my goals. I don’t want to be predictable, in both physical activities and state of mind. But I will try new routines in day-to-day life to see what could be a better method for myself, like setting up early alarms as I’ve recently done. Sometimes I try to force myself to use this blog once every week or so, but, ya know..

I love improvising though. I don’t want to have a set schedule in my life that I need to or feel the need to run by every so often. To me it’s always about how we’ll get from point A to point B, never using a previous method, and always making sure we get there before dark. I tend to just follow my feet, go wherever they wanna go.

And now some admission:

There used to be a bit more here, but I removed it for the time being. The title of the post was named after this part..

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One response to “Am I falling in love?

  1. I can completely resonate with your feelings.. but at some part you need to tell her and make her feel special rest is up to destiny that’s the advice internet will give but it’s tough to do… I will advice you to write everything you feel about her in a diary or blog then someday give her that ink and wait for her reply 🙂

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